In the late 90’s I was a photojournalist for one newspaper and a columnist for another. I had three young boys at home under 13 years of age, my father living with us and my husband – not to mention the duties of enjoying a hobby farm. Except for chatting on the Internet, I put my wants and needs on a back burner for my family. As a result, after time I felt resentful, angry and negative. I was on the verge of another depression and having overcome one a few years earlier, I had NO intention of going through that hell again.
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I heard my mother’s words of wisdom and recalled her method of coping with marital and parental stress – take a vacation alone. Mom would go off with her mother and sister for weekend religious retreat every year. When I asked her why, she said she wanted to make sure dad would be able to take care of us should something ever happen to her. I know better now.
I was about 34 years old when I finally gave in to the nagging sensation to take a private vacation and planned it around my family’s “boy’s club” event. Saving my money, I rented a hotel room in Winnipeg for a weekend. As the time drew near, I became more excited at the prospect of being alone.
“I raised eleven children and didn’t take a vacation,” my mother-in-law stated when my proposal was brought up at a family gathering. “And I had a set of twins!”
Though I know her words weren’t meant to be judgemental, they stung all the same. I’d always felt like an “out law” instead of an “in law” with my husband’s family. (In many ways, I still do today.) However, though my idea went against the “norm,” I held fast to my convictions and checked into the hotel in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
Knowing my family was involved in activities they enjoyed gave me the freedom to look after myself. I spent the first night resting and writing. I’d sit on my balcony overlooking Portage Avenue and just let the words flow. (I could have used a lap top back then!) I ate when I felt like it, slept when I felt like it. When I went shopping it was for gifties to bring back to my family – who were never far from my mind.
I returned home that weekend feeling better than I had in years. I’d gotten in touch with someone very important in my life – me. From that moment on, I took yearly vacations away from home because I realized how beneficial they were. The next year I went to the States with my cousins, the following year I went to Owego, New York to visit with friends I’d met on the Internet.
Today, my travels aren’t as far, but they are more regular. Whenever I feel the need to take a break, I hide myself away in Winnipeg for a few hours. There is nothing wrong with taking time out for yourself. It isn’t selfish and doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Taking a reality break now and then recharges your system and is relaxing so you are better able to cope with stress and assist the ones you love.
Peace
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Truth of The Matter
Texting, email, chat programs and chat rooms have become every day ways of communicating with others. Whether in the same house or across the world, we connect and talk.
This mode of exchanging thoughts has also opened a new avenue for flirting. How simple is it to send a teasing text meant to let someone know you are thinking about them in a naughty way? It is even a greater thrill to receive a similar text! However, sometimes things don’t work out the way you’d like in the world of flirting.
Put your cell on your lap so I can taste you!
A friend of mine sent the teasing text message from her cell phone to her boyfriend’s.
You don’t want to taste me right now I’m sweaty, sticky, filthy and dirty.
My friend stared at the response. Needless to say, it wasn’t exactly what she expected! I laughed in observing her expression. His words obviously didn’t conjure up a palatable image. Guys are known for saying it like it is – unlike women!
“I don’t get it!” my friend groaned, “If he were to have sent ME that message I would have told him to bring it on or something like that. I wouldn’t have said I was sticky and dirty!”
Assuring my friend she shouldn’t take his response too seriously, I shared the wisdom I’ve gained in living in a male dominant household for over twenty years.
“He was telling you the truth of the matter,” I explained, “You should be happy.”
“Happy? Why?”
“Would you rather have him tell you what he thought you wanted to hear and get you worked up for nothing? Read between the lines, his text sounds as though he’s tired and hungry after working all day. No one is fun in that state of mind. Give him time to unwind then see what happens.”
She sipped her drink as she considered my words. Shaking off her disappointment, we changed the subject and chatted for several minutes before she suddenly jumped as her cell phone vibrated. Flipping open the phone, she smiled as she read the text.
Good vibrations, baby? ;)
After a brief exchange, she looked at me with a blush on her face. “You were right! He’s had time to himself and is ready to play.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I chuckled, “What can I say? It’s a gift!”
We talked for a few minutes more before she gave me a quick hug and set off to be with her boyfriend.
I smiled as she bounced happily out the door. Rising from my chair, I heard my cell phone alerting me to an incoming text message. I picked it up, read the message and smiled to myself because my husband was on his way home --Let the games begin!
Peace
This mode of exchanging thoughts has also opened a new avenue for flirting. How simple is it to send a teasing text meant to let someone know you are thinking about them in a naughty way? It is even a greater thrill to receive a similar text! However, sometimes things don’t work out the way you’d like in the world of flirting.
Put your cell on your lap so I can taste you!
A friend of mine sent the teasing text message from her cell phone to her boyfriend’s.
You don’t want to taste me right now I’m sweaty, sticky, filthy and dirty.
My friend stared at the response. Needless to say, it wasn’t exactly what she expected! I laughed in observing her expression. His words obviously didn’t conjure up a palatable image. Guys are known for saying it like it is – unlike women!
“I don’t get it!” my friend groaned, “If he were to have sent ME that message I would have told him to bring it on or something like that. I wouldn’t have said I was sticky and dirty!”
Assuring my friend she shouldn’t take his response too seriously, I shared the wisdom I’ve gained in living in a male dominant household for over twenty years.
“He was telling you the truth of the matter,” I explained, “You should be happy.”
“Happy? Why?”
“Would you rather have him tell you what he thought you wanted to hear and get you worked up for nothing? Read between the lines, his text sounds as though he’s tired and hungry after working all day. No one is fun in that state of mind. Give him time to unwind then see what happens.”
She sipped her drink as she considered my words. Shaking off her disappointment, we changed the subject and chatted for several minutes before she suddenly jumped as her cell phone vibrated. Flipping open the phone, she smiled as she read the text.
Good vibrations, baby? ;)
After a brief exchange, she looked at me with a blush on her face. “You were right! He’s had time to himself and is ready to play.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I chuckled, “What can I say? It’s a gift!”
We talked for a few minutes more before she gave me a quick hug and set off to be with her boyfriend.
I smiled as she bounced happily out the door. Rising from my chair, I heard my cell phone alerting me to an incoming text message. I picked it up, read the message and smiled to myself because my husband was on his way home --Let the games begin!
Peace
The Power of Forgiveness
One of the rungs on the ladder of spirituality is in the lesson of learning to forgive. This is no easy feat and sometimes it can take a lifetime to forgive someone for causing you pain and harm. However, when it is accomplished, it feels like the weight of the world has been removed from your shoulders.
For many years I held on to anger. I was angry at myself and angry at others for hurting me. The anger at myself turned inward and manifested in a major depression. While my doctor stated it was post-partum induced, a majority of it derived from self-loathing.
Medication mercifully lifted the depression, however while it treated the symptoms it didn’t get rid of the cause. At the time, I didn’t realize the only one or thing to have the power to absolutely vanquish the anger was me.
Though life was brighter, the anger and negativity continued to fester within me like a poison. Situations in my life fed the negativity as I experienced several instances of betrayal and resentment. Life took many twists and turns until my feet were placed on a path of self-discovery.
Ironically, each year when my kids would ask what I wanted for my Birthday or Christmas and I would tell them “world peace.” While my answer drove them nuts, it was true. All I wanted was peace. I craved it! Then one day as I saw my family reunite nearly thirteen years after my mother’s death – I realized the peace I had longed for was manifesting! Thus, a new awareness in positivity was born. Though the past pain began to make sense in my life, I still hadn’t addressed any significant problems.
My first real step towards change came the day I forgave my mother for dying and leaving me alone with a houseful of males and no other female closeness. I had harboured so much anger I hadn’t even realized. Though I understood my mother had no choice in the matter, my point of pain centred around our last lucid moment together.
Mom was in the hospital and we’d gone down to the “smoke” room where someone had brought her a present. When we returned to her room, I realized I’d forgotten it downstairs and went back to retrieve it but it was gone. (Human nature is interesting. Someone brought a gift – even though they know the person is dying and will probably never use it.)
I returned to the room empty handed and my mother screamed at me. I was in absolute shock! The words she said were so hateful! I stood unable to move, think or respond. When her tirade was over, I quietly said I was going to let her get some rest and I’d be back the following day. I held back my tears and emotions, still surprised by the expression on her face. Walking over to the door, I paused for a moment and turned to look back at her. We stared at one another, not saying a word, seeming to talk with our eyes. Then I left. She never recognized me again after that. Mom was moved the next day to the palliative ward and doped up on morphine for her few remaining days. The harshness of that final moment between us remained for years. In the back of my mind, she hated me and always had but it had taken her illness to voice it.
However, as I continued on my spiritual path and became more aware, I realized the truth of the matter. I was in the shower one day (enlightenment arrives at the strangest times) when it all became crystal clear. She never hated ME, she wasn’t angry with me over the lost gift – she was angry at the situation. I’d been eight months pregnant with a grandchild she’d never know and she felt robbed, cheated and naturally lashed out at me. In that moment, my first true instance of forgiveness occurred.
It was soon followed by another one as I was once again provided with the “truth” of a similar incident where I’d felt the sting of angry words only to realize I wasn’t the one for whom they were directed.
Little by little, the anger and negativity dissipated within me. With each new instance of forgiveness, I felt more and more at peace with myself and everyone around me. I found the power to forgive those who had ever hurt or harmed me and myself for ever hurting anyone.
Keep in mind, forgiving does not mean condoning an action. For example, while I forgave my paternal grandfather for his sexual abuse but I certainly don’t condone the act. However, it is HIS “sin” to carry, not mine.
Though I remain a “work in progress” I’ve been informed by one of my spiritual advisors that I have succeeded in cutting away chunks of negativity from my life which was only accomplished through the power of forgiveness.
It isn’t always easy to forgive, but it is necessary if you want to have peace in your life because they go hand and hand. The power to forgive is within you and only you. Try it yourself and see – but I have to warn you, it is addictive and once you open the door you can’t go back! But then again, who would want to?
Peace
For many years I held on to anger. I was angry at myself and angry at others for hurting me. The anger at myself turned inward and manifested in a major depression. While my doctor stated it was post-partum induced, a majority of it derived from self-loathing.
Medication mercifully lifted the depression, however while it treated the symptoms it didn’t get rid of the cause. At the time, I didn’t realize the only one or thing to have the power to absolutely vanquish the anger was me.
Though life was brighter, the anger and negativity continued to fester within me like a poison. Situations in my life fed the negativity as I experienced several instances of betrayal and resentment. Life took many twists and turns until my feet were placed on a path of self-discovery.
Ironically, each year when my kids would ask what I wanted for my Birthday or Christmas and I would tell them “world peace.” While my answer drove them nuts, it was true. All I wanted was peace. I craved it! Then one day as I saw my family reunite nearly thirteen years after my mother’s death – I realized the peace I had longed for was manifesting! Thus, a new awareness in positivity was born. Though the past pain began to make sense in my life, I still hadn’t addressed any significant problems.
My first real step towards change came the day I forgave my mother for dying and leaving me alone with a houseful of males and no other female closeness. I had harboured so much anger I hadn’t even realized. Though I understood my mother had no choice in the matter, my point of pain centred around our last lucid moment together.
Mom was in the hospital and we’d gone down to the “smoke” room where someone had brought her a present. When we returned to her room, I realized I’d forgotten it downstairs and went back to retrieve it but it was gone. (Human nature is interesting. Someone brought a gift – even though they know the person is dying and will probably never use it.)
I returned to the room empty handed and my mother screamed at me. I was in absolute shock! The words she said were so hateful! I stood unable to move, think or respond. When her tirade was over, I quietly said I was going to let her get some rest and I’d be back the following day. I held back my tears and emotions, still surprised by the expression on her face. Walking over to the door, I paused for a moment and turned to look back at her. We stared at one another, not saying a word, seeming to talk with our eyes. Then I left. She never recognized me again after that. Mom was moved the next day to the palliative ward and doped up on morphine for her few remaining days. The harshness of that final moment between us remained for years. In the back of my mind, she hated me and always had but it had taken her illness to voice it.
However, as I continued on my spiritual path and became more aware, I realized the truth of the matter. I was in the shower one day (enlightenment arrives at the strangest times) when it all became crystal clear. She never hated ME, she wasn’t angry with me over the lost gift – she was angry at the situation. I’d been eight months pregnant with a grandchild she’d never know and she felt robbed, cheated and naturally lashed out at me. In that moment, my first true instance of forgiveness occurred.
It was soon followed by another one as I was once again provided with the “truth” of a similar incident where I’d felt the sting of angry words only to realize I wasn’t the one for whom they were directed.
Little by little, the anger and negativity dissipated within me. With each new instance of forgiveness, I felt more and more at peace with myself and everyone around me. I found the power to forgive those who had ever hurt or harmed me and myself for ever hurting anyone.
Keep in mind, forgiving does not mean condoning an action. For example, while I forgave my paternal grandfather for his sexual abuse but I certainly don’t condone the act. However, it is HIS “sin” to carry, not mine.
Though I remain a “work in progress” I’ve been informed by one of my spiritual advisors that I have succeeded in cutting away chunks of negativity from my life which was only accomplished through the power of forgiveness.
It isn’t always easy to forgive, but it is necessary if you want to have peace in your life because they go hand and hand. The power to forgive is within you and only you. Try it yourself and see – but I have to warn you, it is addictive and once you open the door you can’t go back! But then again, who would want to?
Peace
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